I am a single mother of two little monkeys. I work full time and I have a "second" job, not counting that whole 'full time mom' gig. Almost 3 years ago my ex husband and I split leaving me to be the only parent in the equation. No, I'm not unique... It happens everyday. Right?? Before the split I had lost 75 pounds purely by working out and eating right, but still had more to go before I reached my goal. I'd be lying if I went on about how hard it was to shed 75 pounds. I'm not bragging, it's just true! Something in me clicked that I didn't want to look like I did anymore. The weight melting off was just more motivation to keep pouring myself into it. I worked out 5 days a week and ate a healthy diet to the regular working mom's standards. I wasn't just eating the meat off of my cheeseburgers, on the cabbage soup diet, or eating coffee mug size meals. It's was no fad diet! I had truly learned how to eat healthy and in a practical way. It wasn't typically WAY out there or 'clean eating' as many do today, but it was good healthy food and 1000 times better than what I had been putting in my body prior to my lifestyle revolution. I've blogged previously about obstacles and bumps in my journey that I'd hit, but they really were minor in comparison. I had become so enthralled in what I was doing that it became my whole way of life! I'd quit my job (after much prayer that is), built my own studio and became a Zumba Queen and Personal Training extraordinaire!! Very soon after I'd made this decision is when my life changed, for the better in many ways. I have always admitted that I am a total emotional eater. I'm not one of those lucky people who lost weight after their divorce! So much was changing at that moment in my life with my new studio, my divorce.. I was doing everything I could to stay afloat! I was teaching as many Zumba classes as I could possibly fit into a schedule.. At one point I was teaching 8 classes a week not counting any extra that I'd pick up filling in for people. I also wanted to keep up my own personal workouts on top of that..... Well much to my dismay I was over training and I didn't realize it until it was too late. I was emotionally spent, physically spent, and spiritually spent. With all of this in tow, sitting heavily on my shoulders, I had gained weight back. Then about a year ago, I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome). While I have a mild form of it (thank you Jesus), it's enough to make you want to scream! So, after I'd gained weight, 'failed' in my marriage, 'failed' in my business... I felt like I had something to grab on to.. A reason for my weight gain.. Something that didn't make me feel so weak and ashamed. It was an 'illness' that kept me from being healthy. If I were honest with myself, that really was a weak excuse. Please understand, there are women who suffer greatly from PCOS, but I'm not one of those women. So at some point I had to face reality.
For months now, maybe even a year, I've been too ashamed of my failures that I can barely make eye contact when I walk into the gym. I've never stopped going to the gym.. I'm just not going 5 days a week anymore.. It's more like once a week.. Maybe twice. I go through season of good eating patterns.. As a friend of a friend of a friend put it (and I'm paraphrasing),"Running doesn't make me happy, sitting on the couch [with chocolate ice cream and wine] make me happy". ***POP QUIZ!! -- which part did I add in? You have 3 tries... GO! -- POP QUIZ OVER!!*** I could never get my mind and my heart to align with living a totally healthy lifestyle anymore! I spent the last several months on hiatus from any real and regular healthy diet... Yes... I'm ashamed of that too. I have prayed for God to help spark my motivation again, I have yoga'd to find my balance.. But it wasn't flooding in like I'd hoped. Instead, in prayer (AND through Yoga), I realized that I wasn't truly doing my part. I can remember my CCD teacher, Mrs. Peltier, explaining how prayer works when I was in the second grade. I remember vividly how she explained that we couldn't pray to God to help us pass the math test and not study a lick and expect to pass the math test. God will provide the information, but you have to read the book! So, Mrs. Peltier, although I understood your lesson then, it is very much relevant today! I hear you loud and clear ma'am!! My book is FINALLY open and I'm doing my part! It came to me a couple of nights ago.. Just a tiny spark.. A flicker. I hold the power to change my life (as if I didn't already know this)!! I'm like He-Man.. only you know, I'm a chick! At the ever so gentle nudging of my "sister" that might've been laced with a compliment or two, I've decided to begin this blog. I couldn't just pick up where I left off a year ago in my other blog. I'm not the same person I was in that story anymore. This is a fresh start without all that weight hanging in the air. More importantly, my new story is not JUST about how many times I've worked out that week or that I avoided junk food; it's about rebuilding a strong foundation within myself.. Caring for and respecting myself enough to treat my mind, body, and soul with gentle loving care INCLUDING staking claim on what was once mine and not letting my situation or new life changes define me! So, without further ado, please allow me to share with you my first real goal of 'Power Grip'! The first major goal on the charts is to reach a 30 lb weight loss and the reward is a professional photo shoot for me and my monkeys! I've never had the confidence to have one, but I've put it on the calendar.. The appointment is made and the deposit will be sent! There are other small goals and rewards leading up to the 30lb weight loss, and although they are small they are good and satisfying! I've added a bonus incentive -- in my best game show host voice--** YES! There IS a bonus! **. I will reward myself $10 for every pound lost and $2 for every gym workout. You've got to have the small victories too!! There are no excuses! The date's set.. The reward is in place... All I have to do is study for the test!
As I sit here laying my life out on the line, I have to wonder if I am alone in all of this. Whether you're retaking your path or beginning a new one, I encourage you to go FEARLESS and restore your own power! Don't let your own shame weigh you down or fool you! Get off your ass and show it who's boss! ;)
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